4Tests Blog

If you’ve never been to the S*** My Students Write Tumblr, you’re missing out on an educational (or not-so-educational) treat of hilarity. Thus far, the blog is up to 81 pages of the most disappointingly hilarious drivel you’ll ever see come through the public school system. While we suppose we should be sad for what much of this represents, we know that these guys and gals have to be the exception to the rule. (Don’t they?)

We’ve combed through the site and picked out our 30 favorite submissions that students actually wrote, keeping things as clean as humanly possible. For the dirtier minded, we recommend checking out the blog itself. But now, let’s begin!

Make Sure It Does Not Make Sense

I was wondering if you had any time on Monday were we could meet to go over my final history paper. I have finished all of the revisions that I would make at this time and I want to make sure that it does not make sense.

Monarchy

The Romans had many gods, this is called a monarchy.

S/he Is Risen

Feminist theology is where people may speak of God but without including sexism into the sky on a divine scale.

Fun Fact

Gender is a fun fact that I have noticed.

Cold War Olympics

The Cold war can basically be explained through its own special Olympic events: the Space Race, the Arms Race, the Cuban Missile Staring Contest, the Berlin Tug o’ War, and last but not least the Find The Nuclear Warhead Contest.

Human Gnome Project

Medicine is now personalised to the person just by looking at their gnome.

Side Effects

War has some unfortunate side effects.  Some are life threatening.  An unfortunate side effect of war that is life threatening is dead people.

Nazi Party

Hitler had a strong bong with his followers.

Moral Hypnotism

Kant’s categorical imperative does not apply conditionally or hypnotically.

Separate But Included

The Jim Crow laws were simply put in place to provide African Americans of sense of belonging.

Many Things Also

For a male and female to connect in intercourse can lead to many things also.

So Much Diversity

We included an Asian woman in the advertisement to demonstrate diversity.

Second Pwnic War

Hannibal took a bunch of elephants through the Alps and totally pwned Rome.

Kids Those Days

Puritanism was popular with the young people. This can be proven by looking at America, which was new then.

Extremely Unbiased

Philosophy tends to be extremely unbiased and therefore doesn’t take any side in an argument, like how theology takes the side of reason or how science believes in scientology.

Optimized Scholarly Authority

While the author’s identity being unknown makes the validity of the article questionable, the fact that the webpage appears at the top when typing ‘miley cyrus vma’ into Google search strengthens the argument that female singers are still at times treated worse then males in the music industry.

Powerland Theme Park

The Axis powers were Imperial Japan, Fascism Italy, and Naziland.

The Better Off I And You All Our.

Young adults are usually know to be in the mindset as much information that I know about someone the better off I is.

Ludaversality And Its Discontents

Doing anything outside of the norm was historically considered Ludacris.

Enter Hamlet, Half Naked

In this scene with Hamlet and Ophelia, it is important that Hamlet is half naked and uncomfortably exposing a lot of skin in front of Ophelia who at this point would have already tried to give Hamlet his things back.

V Card Vs. SIM Card

…but we live in a time where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

Gay Or Lezbean Parents

in other words I don’t think that heterosexual parents are bad but I think that gay or lesbian shouldn’t be a lack of hate but should be treated like any human bean in this plant.

Medical Slavery

The same thing that is happening here with marijuana is also fairly similar to how the south was during slavery.

Asian Bias

Critics note that the model is limited by its strict chronological structure. However, those critics are mostly Asian, and therefore biased.

Genre Study: Twerk

My favorite type of genre is twerk music which is classify as hiphop. I think I love twerk music because it makes me dance n I love to move.

Hirsute IQ

It’s appears that generally men with high intelligence have lots of hair, but that doesn’t mean all intelligent men are hairy. Einstein was smooth like a cue-ball.

Effort Starts With ‘A’

I don’t agree I need to work on my speling and grammer, an I don’t I need to ‘development my argumens’ more. I deserve a ‘A’ on my essay because ‘effort’ starts with the letter ‘A’ an I really gave my all.

Know Their Position

The barrier of gender roles has been set since the beginning of time.  I’m not sure if women will try to stand up and take over the leading role, or they know their position and are going to stay  there… Maybe there will be a period where both genders are equal for a while before something drastic changes in society.  No one would ever think that women might contain more power than men in the future.

Starve And Most Likely Die

The fact that guns will never be taken away is the truth especially when people all across the country hunt for their food with guns if the United States took the guns away people would starve and most likely die.

Stereotyped And Misunderstood

The Middle Eastern countries are stereotyped and misunderstood and we need to work on understanding their cultures.  Just as an example, it is important to remember the differences between Islamics and Muslims, and how not all of them believe in Allah or Arabism.

In Summary

Teachers, we feel your pain on these. When yours truly was teaching, I once had a student essay describing a scene where one person was going to “whip” the other person’s “butt.” Only in the actual spelling, the character said, “I’ll wipe your butt.” It’s tough out there, but the ones that get it make it totally worthwhile. They are our future. Make sure they learn more better.

[Image via TheAge.com.au]